Cultural Audits: Let the Change Begin with Me

With all the political, ethnic and religious divisions in the world, an open mind is hard to find.

Managing our political biases during in 2004 was a tough, and stressful job. Once we selected a party or platform, too many of us focused on getting the win instead of building understanding and consensus. I am among the guilty but, in the end, I came to realize that I love this country too much to let it be torn apart. If I support diversity, then I must respect opposing views.

In my personal life, some ill-advised words spoken in the heat of argument resulted in a broken friendship, hurt feelings and a few lost opportunities. The good news, however, is that each mistake helped me to stretch and grow. I can reasonably hope that 2005 will be better because I am better able to handle the conflict that liberty brings.

Each December, I share the results of my self-audit with you so you can decide whether or not my advice deserves your consideration. Everyone who advises the public should regularly take public inventory of his or her strengths and weaknesses. Readers need to have that information so they will know if the person walks the walk, or just talks the talk.

This year was filled with frequent challenges and a few significant victories. I listened a little longer than I talked. My friends understand how hard that was for me. Once I dreaded opening e-mails that made derogatory comments about people of color. Surprisingly, those writers have turned me into a better American. Now when I receive mail filled with hatred or fear, I stand up for myself by affirming my country's founding principles. "I am exercising my right to disagree with you," I write back to them. "As an American, I am certain that you will agree to respect my rights."

When I talk about this column I often find myself trying to explain the fears and concerns associated with our differences rather than blaming the resistors. Some thoughtful people have written me over the past two years to share the dramatic ways diversity is creating problems in their lives, and their voices must be heard. We can't make diversity work better simply by wishing that all its detractors would stay quiet.

Despite these accomplishments, I still have quite a ways to go before I can be content with my level of cultural skills. My greatest shortcoming is that I am unwilling to talk with or work with people who do not express their views politely. Where would the world be if schools decided only to admit courteous students? Next year, I must do better.

The truth is I am still far too judgmental, though I can honestly say I have made some strides. I now challenge myself to recite the pro and con arguments before making any decision. If I can't present both sides, then I am not ready to take action. We gain respect and credibility when we seek to understand our opponents' issues and concerns.

In 2005, I resolve to improve myself by taking more positive actions, and talking less. I can promote peace by reducing the amount of distress I bring into the world. I can promote harmony by listening to my opponents. I can promote equality by holding myself to the highest standards.

It is not difficult to end America's political divisions: Each of us has to work harder to improve our listening and negotiation skills. If we can't find the common ground couldn't that indicate that we are not working for the common good?