The Value of Leading by Example

The guy next door with the kind face and gentle eyes came over to my Philadelphia apartment one day, and before long I found myself pouring out my heart to him.

My career as a journalist had become steep and rocky terrain. I had reached a point where I was wondering whether my job carried a price tag I could no longer afford to pay. In school, professors had taught us to be objective, to care about getting the facts right, and to be fair and fearless. Yet, real life differs from theory. All colors of people - and all types of stories - are not treated the same. Journalists, after all, are only human.

As my concerns spilled out, my neighbor sat very still, his eyes focused intently on his feet. "I try to lead by example," he offered in a soft voice. "That works best for me."

Those 11 words steered my life to a more triumphant course. And the man who spoke them, Maurice Cheeks, then a Philadelphia 76ers point guard, became my role model and teacher.

Most key lessons in the court of life can be learned by watching athletes like Cheeks compete. Practice, practice, practice. Play fair. Follow the rules. Do what the coach tells you. Don't hog the ball. Avoid flagrant fouls. Share success with colleagues. Readily admit your mistakes and be willing to learn from them. Stay focused. Play to win. Never underestimate your opponents. Never quit, because the unexpected may occur at any moment.

From that day forward, I integrated the "Maurice Cheeks doctrine" into my life. Nowadays, I practice before I preach. I don't tell other people to work harder. I work harder and invite others to follow suit. I don't ask people to make a commitment to me unless I am prepared to honor every commitment I have made to others. I treat others fairly and ask them to do the same for me. I thank people who are excellent on a daily basis. I spend less time tearing people down and more time trying to build them up. I expect the best from people, and most of the time they eagerly give it to me.

Leadership in motion is an awe-inspiring sight on the basketball court and in life. Once, in a San Antonio housing project where five mothers had been murdered over the course of a few weeks, I met a little girl who was worried about the "bad men." She had written a letter asking for help - and tucked it in her mom's purse for safekeeping. She read it later that day at a congressional hearing convened by Texas Rep. Henry B. Gonzalez.

While most of the neighborhood adults stood silent, this 8-year-old child stepped forward and pleaded in a quavering voice for help.

"Why?" I asked her later. "Weren't you afraid?"

"My mom speaks out," she whispered softly. "So do I."

Every parent would love to have a child like her. But it isn't easy, because you have to have the courage to actually become the person you want your child to be.

The vast majority of influential people draw upon their titles, the force of armies, and the might of money for leverage. Far rarer are those like Cheeks, now coach of the Portland Trail Blazers, and that 8-year-old hero, who gain authority from the content of their character. Any NBA coach can use his authority to force brash young players to change their attitudes or behaviors, but only those like Cheeks, who demand the most from themselves, can influence others to change for the better as I did.

Unfortunately, life comes without an instruction book. But if we are lucky, as I was, the guy next door may walk into our living rooms one day to tell us there is no right way to win - only a right way to play the game.